The DuroSport Electronics company would like to distance itself from comments made today by Chief Product Engineer, Vladimir Concescu.
On the DuroSport Insider Blog, Concescu endorsed Barack Obama for President of the United States of America.
The DuroSport Electronics company would like all of its loyal fans to know that Mr. Concescu’s opinions are his and his alone, and in no way, shape or form represent the official position of the DuroSport Electronics Company.
The DuroSport Electronics Company has always encouraged a wide array of political views within the company, as evidenced by this quote from Company Spokesperson Nero Tarlev:
“It is well known that I support Mike Gravel. He is, and has always been, a friend of Moldova and a friend of DuroSport. Since Senator Gravel is still in the running we are not prepared to endorse any other candidate. Once the Ultra-delegates are counted I believe that Senator Gravel will prevail. “
There are other viewpoints, as well. Our political affiliations are as wide and diverse as the United States of America itself, which should continue to purchase our products, no matter what. Some of our employees support John McCain, some of our employees support Hillary Clinton, and there are still even employees who support Dennis Kucinich and Fred Thompson. We couldn’t find any Rudy Guiliani supporters, however. Many of those people refused to speak on the record, but one who did was DuroSport’s lead Lawyer, Tripoli Parspectiv, who is a die-hard supporter of Mike Huckabee:
“I am a Huckabee supporter because I believe that he will take this nation back for Jesus Christ, and then, working hand-in-hand with Mr. Christ — perhaps as his Vice President — bring on the Rapture, because I am completely sick of working on all of our various lawsuits.”
These are just a smattering of the wide, diverse array of ideas and viewpoints within the DuroSports Electronic Company, which is why no one should take Mr. Concescu’s comments as anything but his own inane commentary.
Finally, the DuroSport Electronics Company would like to caution Mr. Concescu to spend less time worrying about politics and more time working on our soon to be legendary next generation of products.
The DuroSport Electronics Company would like to retract its previous announcement of an impending deal to sell products through Best Buy.
After a high-profile squabble in Second Life and on the DuroSport Insider Blog with members of the Best Buy’s Geek Squad, the company has decided to prohibit sales of its products at Best Buy.
According to company spokesman Nero Tarlev, “after my run-in with the Geek Squad it is clear that we can not trust The Best Buy to provide adequate service and support for the Prism DuroSport.”
The company apologizes to fans who have been clamoring at the doors of Best Buys across the country asking for DuroSport products.
Tarlev indicated that the company will make a major announcement in the very near future, noting “our Chief Product Engineer is finally back from his summer vacation. Expect to see exciting new products from DuroSport soon!”
For immediate release:
Moldovan electronics manufacturer DuroSport announced today that its latest portable media player has outsold Apple’s iPod in the virtual world Second Life.
DuroSport released the new portable media player in April to coincide with the opening of the DuroSport store in Second Life. The Prism SL-6001VRMP is a re-engineered version of the popular Prism DuroSport player, designed specifically for use in Second Life.
Company spokesman Nero Tarlev notes, “Second Life allowed us to finally create the product we have always dreamed of building, and now we have the biggest portable media player in the metaverse”.
DuroSport’s Second Life store is an exact replica of the company’s original manufacturing facility in Moldova. Until now most music fans outside of Moldova have not had the opportunity to visit an official DuroStore. The virtual world has allowed the DuroSport brand to connect with its fans around the world.
According to Tarlev, “Our store in the Second Life allows our fans to have an authentic DuroStore shopping experience without any of the real world risk or danger”.
Reporters with access to Second Life are encouraged to contact Nero Tarlev for a free evaluation version of the virtual Prism DuroSport and a personal tour of the new DuroSport store. IM Nero Rang in Second Life for more details, or send an email.
The DuroSport Electronics Company has announced the formation of an exploratory committee to explore the feasibility of suing the website, Medialoper, for “Defamation of Products.”
“Ever since their negative review of the Prism DuroSport 6000 last year, the Medialoper site has embarked on a systematic campaign of harassment and defamation of our company, our products and our people,” explained Tripoli Parsectiv, DuroSport’s lead lawyer.
“In the last week, they ran back-to-back negative reviews of our store in the Second Life and the DuroView Service. We are absolutely positive that the negative review of the DuroView Service is the reason that Star Trek backed out of that deal after only one day.”
When asked about the unusual timing of the announcement, Parsectiv said that now that the company’s lawyers have finished settling all of the lawsuits against DuroSport, it was obvious that the company needed money to pay off the lawsuits.
Parsectiv went on to explain that Medialoper’s “lies and mockery” obviously had a chilling effect on sales of the Prism 6000 in both First Life and Second Life, and helped to cause the sudden end of the Star Trek partnership. In light of this, DuroSport has “no choice” but to attempt to recover some of that lost revenue via lawsuit against Medialoper.
“I looked around and saw how other respected companies such as Universal Music Group and Viacom were using the lawsuit method to recover their lost revenues from companies such as YouTube, and used that idea. I hope that they haven’t copyrighted it.”
Parsectiv also noted that his legal staff has been severely impacted in the last year, and in order to complete the research for the actual lawsuit, he needs help. He is hoping that the DuroSport-loving public will come to the company’s aid in this “time of extreme crisis.”
“We urge all DuroSport-loving people out there to scour the Medialoper site looking for defamatory and destructive reviews, comments, jokes — anything that could potentially harm our products in the public eye.”
The Star Trek entertainment franchise has taken a quantum leap forward in technology by entering into a partnership with the DuroSport corporation. As a result of the partnership DuroSport has been named the exclusive distributor the new “Star Trek: DeMastered” video series.
Star Trek fans can purchase the new “Demastered” series through DuroSport’s revolutionary new DuroView video download service. By addressing many of the problematic issues plaguing current video download services, the DuroView will be a major breakthrough in portable digital video distribution.
DuroSport spokesperson Nero Tarlev explains “most of the current video download services are experimental toys. DuroView is the video download service of the future, today.”
Tarlev notes that it’s appropriate the new service is debuting with Star Trek programming because “so much of the original Star Trek technology was stolen from early product prototypes we were developing in Moldova in the early 60’s”.
DuroView will allow Trek fans to re-live the classic years of television by watching one of the greatest programs of all-time as it was originally seen, in Moldova.
All DuroView programs will include the following special features:
- DuroView videos are compatible only with the new Prism DuroSport 6001 (also known as the SL-6001VRMP in some markets). Visit the new DuroStore to purchase a Prism 6001.
- Original 4:4 aspect ratio, the standard aspect ratio for the Moldovan broadcast industry throughout the 1960’s.
- Original Moldovan commercials.
- Commentary by DuroSport employees about their favorite Star Trek episodes.
With the release of the “Star Trek: DeMastered” series DuroSport is also introducing a innovative new approach to DRM that will ensure your video downloads remain safe and secure for years to come.
Please consider the following system specifications and requirements before purchasing a DuroView video:
- Downloads are available by appointment only. Please complete a download request form for each episode you wish to purchase.
- A state-of-the-art 28.8kbs modem is required to access the download servers.
- Local dial-up numbers are available throughout most of Eastern Europe. Users outside of this area may incur long distance charges when dialing into the service.
- Each download will be personalized by a DuroSport employee and will include the purchaser’s user ID, password, and credit card number. Sharing with your friends will be like telling the world you are a pirate. No one wants to be a pirate. Pirates aren’t cool.
Reserve your download spot today by completing this convenient form. Please be aware that this is a limited time offer. Appointment applications must be postmarked by midnight tonight to qualify.
You can find out even more information on this exciting new service on the DuroSport Insider blog.
The DuroSport Corporation is proud to announce the opening of its first retail outlet in Second Life, and the launch of an all new media player designed specifically for the virtual world.
This weekend the DuroSport corporation becomes the first Eastern European electronics manufacturer to open a store in Second Life. The new DuroStore is modeled on the company’s original retail outlet in Moldova. DuroSport fans from around the world can now visit the DuroStore without need for a passport or the extensive security clearance usually required to enter Moldova.
DuroSport engineers, with the assistance of the LogSpark Second Life development team, have created the all-new Prism DuroSport SL-6001VRMP specifically for the discerning ears of avatars throughout the metaverse. The new media player is guaranteed to be the biggest portable audio device in all of Second Life.
DuroSport spokesman Nero Tarlev explains the company’s latest move by noting, “In the past few years we have run into many problems with the technological limitations of reality. By designing our new product in a virtual world we have been able to overcome the barriers that prevent us from living up to our own high standards”.
In addition to the new version of the company’s classic Prism DuroSport 6000 media player, DuroSport has announced that it has secured the rights to become the exclusive distributors of Moldovan flags in Second Life.
The DuroStore grand opening celebration will begin on Saturday morning March 31 at 9 am Second Life time. DuroSport fans visiting the store on opening weekend will receive free (virtual) Prism DuroSport t-shirts.
More information about the making of the DuroStore is available on the DuroSport Insider blog.
Visit the DuroSport Store in Second Life, starting this weekend.
The virtual Prism DuroSport t-shirts are collectible memorabilia and are being given away as novelty items, not as actual clothing. Avatars with sensitive skin should be aware that these shirts may cause rash and other skin irritation. If itching occurs, please discontinue use.
Today the DuroSport Corporation is pleased to announce the release of the official Prism DuroSport Theme Song. “I’ve Got A Prism DuroSport” was written and performed by the legendary Amin Paine. Mr. Paine has won many awards for his work, and DuroSport is honored that he has taken time out of his busy schedule to write a song for the company.
DuroSport will soon preview a series of television and radio commercials based around Mr. Paine’s song. This is expected to lead to a significant increase in market share as neither the Zune nor the iPod have theme songs.
DuroSport fans can hear the new song exclusively on the DuroSport Insider Blog. Please read read the terms of use closely. Certain restrictions apply.
Effective immediately we will be dropping support for the mp3 codec from our entire product line. As a result of the recent $1.5 billion ruling against Microsoft, as well as this week’s lawsuits against Apple and other manufacturers, we feel that it is simply too risky to continue to include support for mp3 in our products. The last thing this company needs is another lawsuit.
Later this week (or early next week) we will release a firmware upgrade to address this issue. It is imperative that ALL of our users install the new firmware ASAP. Failure to do so will validate your warranty and may subject you and your family to legal actions that are beyond our control.
The firmware upgrade do the following:
- Disable mp3 decoding.
- Convert all mp3 files to the dt6 format.
- Delete mp3 files.
Users who do not wish to convert to the dt6 format may continue to use Ogg Vorbis, however the upgrade process will be manual. A brief 27 step manual upgrade process will be posted shortly after the new firmware becomes available.
Given the recent developments surrounding the use of the mp3 codec we are now offering to license our dt6 technology to third parties. We have always believed dt6 to be superior to mp3 because it offers a higher fidelity, better security, and a larger file sizes.
We encourage representatives of Microsoft, Apple, San Disk, Samsung, and Creative to contact us immediately for special pricing.
The DuroSport Electronics Company would like to announce that we are very close to closing a deal with Best Buy, a consumer electronics chain based in Richfield, Minnesota.
According to Tripoli Parsectiv, DuroSport’s chief lawyer, this deal would mark the first time DuroSport Electronics products would be for sale through an U.S. based mass-market retailer. “For the past 45 years, our products have been available only through mail order catalogs from our store in Moldova,” Parsectiv explained, “and while some speciality shops stocked our products through those catalogs, it wasn’t a sustainable as a business model in the 21st century. We are pleased to continue to increase our visability in the United States.”
At first, the only product that will be available at Best Buy will be the Prism 6000, but before the end of the year, you will also be able to purchase the DuroSport VideoTron and the Pütz DuroSport at any of the over 1100 Best Buys in the United States.
The deal is expected to be closed at the end of May, and the Prism 6000 will available shortly thereafter. You, of course, don’t have to wait until then to purchase one. As a matter of fact, we prefer that you don’t.
The DuroSport Electronics Company, makers of the famous Prism DuroSport 6000 and the soon-to-be famous Pütz DuroSport, is very proud to announce that it has been chosen to be part of a “2006 Best” list by the website, RockCritics.com.
In their entry about our company, the site extolled such advanced technological DuroSport innovations as the iTunes Compatibility Kit; the Battery Powered Battery Charger and the DuroTunes 6 Secure Music Format — the only DRM that has never, ever been cracked by any hacker. Ever.
As much as we appreciate what we consider is a long overdue appreciation, our lawyers have asked us to point out two factual errors in the entry.
- We are listed in the entry as “Prism DuoSport,” not Prism DuroSport. After the end of decades of litigation with those
bast very nice people at the DuoSport company, we can attest that the missing “r” makes all of the difference. We understand the error, but our lawyers insist that it be changed. Immediately.
- The entry mentions that JT Leroy has been signed as a spokesperson. While it is true that we were on the verge of signing Mr. Leroy, he broke off negotiations when he discovered that we had been the victims of the internet hoaxters who had falsely promised us the exclusive world premiere of the Scarlett Johanssen Sings Tom Waits album. Apparently, that album was the reason he wanted to work with us. We wish Mr. Leroy all the best and are looking into his recommendation of James Frey.
So while we cannot yet promise we won’t sue RockCritics.com for their errors, we remain grateful for their inclusion of our company on their “2006 Best” list. As they point out, the sky truly is the limit for the DuroSport company.
The list of 2006 Best by RockCritics.com (you’ll have to scroll down a bit)
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